Virtual Advent Tour Day 8
I watched on last year, kicking myself for not signing-up. But this year I was eagerly awaiting the website going up, so I could stick my name down. 
Then of course came the time to write the post and I couldn’t think of a thing to write 
Typical!
Anyhoo, here goes!
Thankfully, Christmas for me is much more relaxed than it used to be 3 or four years ago (and for the 10/15 years prior to that) when I used to work in retail, and Christmas started in October…
Unfortunately, when you are force fed Christmas music, and noisy novelty gifts for six weeks, the joy of anticipation goes right out of the window! and only having the two days off work didn’t help either. That said I’ve always enjoyed it, I just prefer it now-a-days when I get to experience it properly as well.
So, I pondered about what to post and then I remembered this fabulous 12 Days of Christmas parody, which has been around a while but I only came across a couple of years ago. It’s by Frank Kelly of Father Ted fame, and it just cracks me up every time I hear it, as the poor man get more and more stressed by the gifts he keeps receiving…
You can listen to it below and the lyrics are printed underneath the youtube box!.
Merry Christmas.
Darren
Christmas Countdown © Frank Kelly
Day One
Dear Nuala,
Thank you very much for your lovely present of a partridge in a pear-tree. We’re getting the hang of feeding the partridge now, although it was difficult at first to win its confidence. It bit the mother rather badly on the hand but they’re good friends now and we’re keeping the pear-tree indoors in a bucket. Thank you again.
Yours affectionately,
Gobnait O’Lúnasa
Day Two
Dear Nuala,
I cannot tell you how surprised we were to hear from you so soon again and to receive your lovely present of two turtle doves. You really are too kind. At first the partridge was very jealous and suspicious of the doves and they had a terrible row the night the doves arrived. We had to send for the vet but the birds are okay again and the stitches are due to some out in a week or two. The vet’s bill was £8 but the mother is over her annoyance now and the doves and the partridge are watching the telly from the pear-tree as I write.
Yours ever,
Gobnait
Day Three
Dear Nuala,
We must be foremost in your thoughts. I had only posted my letter when the three French hens arrived. There was another sort-out between the hens and the doves, who sided with the partridge, and the vet had to be sent for again. The mother was raging because the bill was £16 this time but she has almost cooled down. However, the fact that the birds’ droppings keep falling down on her hair while she’s watching the telly, doesn’t help matters. Thanking you for your kindness.
I remain,
Your Gobnait
Day Four
Dear Nuala,
You mustn’t have received my last letter when you were sending us the four calling birds. There was pandemonium in the pear-tree again last night and the vet’s bill was £32. The mother is on sedation as I write. I know you meant no harm and remain your close friend.
Gobnauit
Day Five
Nuala,
Your generosity knows no bounds. Five gold rings! When the parcel arrived I was scared stiff that it might be more birds, because the smell in the living-room is atrocious. However, I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the beautiful rings.
Your affectionate friend,
Gobnait
Day Six
Nuala,
What are you trying to do to us ? It isn’t that we don’t appreciate your generosity but the six geese have not alone nearly murdered the calling birds but they laid their eggs on top of the vet’s head from the pear-tree and his bill was £68 in cash ! My mother is munching 60 grains of Valium a day and talking to herself in a most alarming way. You must keep your feelings for me in check.
Gobnait
Day Seven
Nuala,
We are not amused by your little joke. Seven swans-a-swimming is a most romantic idea but not in the bath of a private house. We cannot use the bathroom now because they’ve gone completely savage and rush the door every time we try to enter. If things go on this way, the mother and I will smell as bad as the living-room carpet. Please lay off. It is not fair.
Gobnait
Day Eight
Nuala,
Who the hell do you think gave you the right to send eight, hefty maids-a-milking here, to eat us out of house and home? Their cattle are all over the front lawn and have trampled the hell out of the mother’s rose-beds. The swans invaded the living-room in a sneak attack and the ensuing battle between them and the calling birds, turtle doves, French hens and partridge make the Battle of the Somme seem like Wanderly Wagon. The mother is on a bottle of whiskey a day, as well as the sixty grains of Valium. I’m very annoyed with you.
Gobnait
Day Nine
Listen you louser !
There’s enough pandemonium in this place night and day without nine drummers drumming, while the eight flaming maids-a-milking are beating my poor, old alcoholic mother out of her own kitchen and gobbling everything in sight. I’m warning you, you’re making an enemy of me.
Gobnait
Day Ten
Listen manure-face,
I hope you’ll be haunted by the strains of ten pipers piping which you sent to torment us last night. They were aided in their evil work by those maniac drummers and it wasn’t a pleasant sight to look out the window and see eight hefty maids-a-milking pogo-ing around with the ensuing punk-rock uproar. My mother has just finished her third bottle of whiskey, on top of a hundred and twenty four grains of Valium. You’ll get yours !
Gobnait O’Lúnasa
Day Eleven
You have scandalised my mother, you dirty Jezebel,
It was bad enough to have eight maids-a-milking dancing to punk music on the front lawn but they’ve now been joined by your friends ~ the eleven Lords-a-leaping and the antics of the whole lot of them would leave the most decadent days of the Roman Empire looking like “Outlook”. I’ll get you yet, you ould bag !
Day Twelve
Listen slurry head,
You have ruined our lives. The twelve maidens dancing turned up last night and beat the living daylights out of the eight maids-a-milking, ‘cos they found them carrying on with the eleven Lords-a-leaping. Meanwhile, the swans got out of the living-room, where they’d been hiding since the big battle, and savaged hell out of the Lords and all the Maids. There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. The mother is in a home for the bewildered and I’m sitting here, up to my neck in birds’ droppings, empty whiskey and Valium bottles, birds’ blood and feathers, while the flaming cows eat the leaves off the pear-tree. I’m a broken man.
Gobnait O’Lúnasa
Don’t forget to pay a visit to these other stops today as well.
December 8:
- Bluestocking @ The Bluestocking Guide
- Nan @ Letters from a Hill Farm
- Raidergirl @ an adventure in reading
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Posted by Darren on Tuesday, December 8, 2009 at 12:01 am
Filed under Blog · Tagged with Virtual Advent Tour
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hahaha. Hhahahahah…that was great!
He! He! What would Baby Death’s version be, I wonder?
Have a great Christmas!
I have never heard that before – it is hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing.
Glad to introduce you to it then
Hope you have a fantastic Christmas!
I heard this last year, such a hoot! Awesome to read it, because I’m sure we were laughing so hard that we missed much of what he said in the letters. (plus the accent throws us in North America)
thanks for sharing, glad you joined in this year, Merry Christmas
Glad you liked it. I needed to read it, when I first heard it, because I couldn’t catch everything for cracking up each time I listened!
That is FABULOUS. Nuala is some true love!
HI-LA-Ri-OUS!! Thanks so much for this Daren!! A well needed laugh
Glad to be of service
Have a great Crimbo!
Thanks for sharing this, I laughed out loud
Notin public I hope!Have a fantastic Christmas and New Year!
You are not alone in some times struggling to work out what to post! I am always like that, and I am cohosting the event!
I love this skit – so funny! Thanks for the laugh.
Glad I’m not the only one! And Thanks for co-hosting such a great event. You had Kelly do such a fantastic job! Have a great Christmas!
Funny! Thank you for sharing!
No Probs! Have a great Christmas and New Year!
I never really thought about what would happen if those gifts were actually sent to someone! That would be horrendous, so for now I will continue to just sing about it, not do it. What a great post for the Virtual Advent Calendar!
I just love how stressed he get towards the end!
Have a great holiday time! 
That was just wonderful. I let myself read it as real letters, and what a horrendous story! I’m still laughing. Thank you so much!
I am so not disappointed not to be working in retail over Christmas any more!
Glad you liked the song. Have a great Christmas!
Being a Scandinavian ignorant I am not even familiar with the original 12 days of Christmas, but I enjoyed the text nevertheless
Many years ago I was also in retail – and Xmas was NOT a fun time to work in retail, I so agree.
Happy Holidays to you
That was AWESOME! So funny! I have to play it for my husband and daughter.
Happy Holidays! Hope nobody sends you any birds.
He! He! Hope they enjoy it as well. Merry Christmas to you and yours!
This was new to me — but I thoroughly enjoyed it! Thanks for the laugh
Hopefully you’ll listen again sometime! Have a great Christmas!
‘There were eight ambulances here last night, and the local Civil Defence as well. I’m a broken man.’ – LOL!!
So glad you signed up this year and for this wipe-my-tears-from-laughing post.
There’s so many great lines! Have a great Xmas!
Ha! I’ve read something along similar lines, but this one was absolutely perfect read aloud! Thanks for sharing it. (And thanks, too, for the lyrics, which made it all the funnier.)
Heh! Heh! Glad you enjoyed it! Have a great holiday time!
so funny–I personally do not like that song so this was a good variation
Glad you liked it! Hope you have a great Christmas!
This was great! I am so happy you didn’t sit it out this year.
Happy Holidays!
I am now strangely scared of that song.
What a fun perspective.
This was so funny! I had my husband listen to it too – he’s from England so knows Frank Kelly from several roles , and we are huge Father Ted fans. He laughed and laughed and called it hilarious. Thanks so much. This is a lovely true rendition of what would happen with this song if it came true! I love it.
I had not heard this one before – thanks for a great laugh!
Thanks for a good laugh. We have the 12 Days of Christmas with Hawaii style lyrics. Maybe I’ll use them when my time comes to post next week. I also have memories of working retail during the holidays and then inventory in January.
Absolute brilliance. I’d never heard that before, but what a riot. Thank you so much, and may your holidays be relaxed and swan-free!
Ha! That was awesome. I used to sing this song all the time with my cousins, but I don’t think any of us ever stopped and thought about what terrible gifts those really were!
So fun to have you participating this year.
I know what you mean about Christmas and retail. When I used to work in a bookstore I always had mixed feelings about the Christmas season. There were fun days to be sure, and I did love working around books no matter what time of year it was, but the crowds and the noise and the inhuman behavior of some of the shoppers certainly made it wear on me as well. I’m glad you are able to relax and enjoy this holiday season.
Whatever hassles I had though it was always worth it for the slightly worse-for-wear office works (almost always male) coming in to buy the last minute Christmas presents after the ‘last working day’ office drinks!
Bwahahahaha! I have never heard this before and I loved it!! Thank you so much for posting this video (and the words, as I might not have gotten it all!)
LOL!!! I never tire of this!
Neither do I!
I hadn’t seen the video before, thanks for posting. The story reminds me of a calculation I read, indicating what at the gifts would cost … the economists didn’t consider the cost of cleanup after all those animals
Happy holidays!
Dawn – She is Too Fond of Books´s last blog ..Merry Christmas!